Real-life nightmares

Woke up from a totally awful dream in which I was a lesbian hooker chasing around the Wolf form of Link (Zelda Game). Then I became the wolf and was desperately trying to find shiny spots in the ground to dig up and use in order to defeat the Big Bad T-Rex that was suddenly in my dream as well.

I never invite these people, I swear.

When I woke up, I thought the nightmare was over, but it had only just begun. I was under the blankets, and it was dark. I started shoving them around in confusion, trying to surface like some sort of idiot whale that doesn’t know its up from down, and finally came rolling out and onto the ground, gasping. Josh slept through it, bless him.

Fred watched. He always knew the day would come when his owner would decide that tuna at 2am was a GREAT idea, and WHY HADN’T I THOUGHT OF IT BEFORE?!

I went into the kitchen. I skipped the tuna and went for the tea. I boiled the water. I whipped out a teabag. I grabbed the sugar, and something… moved?

It was a bug. A creepy grey bug.

I am usually a tough sort of person who is capable of doing battle with T-Rexes while donning my tight little lesbian hooker outfit.

But weird grey bugs are not on my list of things I can battle.
So I screamed instead.

I screamed a lot.
I actually went and shook Josh awake and said something like, “Holyshitfuckbug.”
“You’re dreaming agian,” he mumbled.
“No I’m not!!!”
“Remember that time you thought there was a rabid bat in the bathroom, and made one hell of a racket attacking what actually turned out to be my swimming trunks hanging up to dry?”
“This is different! It’s a bug. Your swimming trunks can’t take the form of a bug! And they wouldn’t be in the cupboard with my sugar!!!”
“Fine. What do you want me to do about the bug at 2am?”

This was a part I hadn’t thought about. What did I want him to do? There wasn’t a lot he COULD do. Damn.

“Oh, nevermind.”
After sulking in the kitchen for awhile, and checking for bugs (none found), I returned to the bedroom and flopped over.

Then I went back to sleep.
I am just that good.


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